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Never Thought I’d be Doing This Again…

So tonight was just shit for me. Not only am I taking two million different drugs that my doctor gave me (which are not only keeping me awake but also making me think way to much) but my lovely girlfriend got upset at me….. I know what you’re thinking, “That’s what couples do, sometimes they get upset at you but things will work out in the end,” and i totally agree with you and your mind reading abilities. Then why am I so scared right now? I guess I’m scared because not only do I not know why she is upset at me but also this is the first time in almost two years that I’ve been in this situation…..

A brief history of our relationship: 

We’ve been together for almost nine months now. Well then why did I say that “this is the first time in almost two years that I’ve been in this situation,” to cut the story short, it’s a complicated story that involves two hearts joined by physics… Not the romantic kind of physics, but the kind of physics that all highs schoolers have to take. I was her tutor, best friend, lover and soon there after her boyfriend. Odd beginning to a relationship?I know!!! But even though it’s not the sappy “romantic love story” that everyone dreams about It’s still love. The roots of our relationship are deeper than that of a live oak. They are intertwined by numerous experiences, wild adventures and devotion. Why then am I worried? I’m getting there….

For the past year our relationship has jumped through hoop after hoop as we’ve strived to make a long distant relationship work. It was neither of our choices and has been tough on both of us. Oddly enough though it’s worked quite well… I saw her two or three times a semester and frequently skyped and messaged her. She even wrote me love letters (which by the end of the year covered a 9’x8’ wall in my apt). Again where is the flaw? Like i said, she was upset tonight and i have no clue why… It was a normal night with flirty conversation as we talked about our day and other such things. Then boom, a period of silence from a girl who always replied punctually. It felt like eternity, but I just thought she was writing a witty response to my last message. Instead I received a one word response “Goodnight!” followed by that were a handful of other short messages in return all ending in “I will talk to you later.” She utterly hates short responses…. She despises them with a burning passion and for her to send me one is odd…. As I think you can see, this isn’t a normal thing for her to do. So what do i do? Well I ask her if she wants to talk about it and when she says no i freakout…….. Then she replies with a semi-short apology which I quickly reply to…. We exchange a couple more texts and then she’s asleep, no goodnight just asleep (another oddity)…. Now I can’t sleep and I’m over thinking a million things…. Needless to say its been a terrible night as I lay here thinking of what the outcome of this will be…. For now all I can do is wait for a response, but this agony is killing me! 

I’ll keep you posted but for now I take my rest…

-NSTBT

10 of 172 text messages not sent…..

Well i saw you today and I just kinda sunk into a state of… Well idk but it was weird, i mean you just look really good and all. Wow i kinda sound like a creeper… Hmm, i just still care and all and well i miss you and my heart is torn between whether or not to keep trying will all of this. You know you really mean the world to me…. I just cant let you go, its like a part of me is still with you… Anyway i most likely sound like a hopeless fool. Ill talk to you later.